CommunityDreamingSchool of Life

Free Flowing Intimacy In Community

sexuality

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It feels as though I have entered into a swirling vortex of vulnerable trust and transparency of transformation. The rate of awakening has quickened, the dreamers are helping each other. Avatars of the past may have gone entire lifetimes without being heard. Without a clear reflection to be seen. Snap into the present now and we discover such beings around us everywhere. Drop into the heart space and you will know trust. I don’t know about you, but I am tired and bored with the story of conflict. We do not need it anymore.

How do we come together in community and openly celebrate each other in love?

This question is being carried in the undercurrent of my experience lately. I have become aware of the flow (or lack) of sexual energy between people. With this awareness I notice how often this creative life force inhibits (or strengthens) the connection between individuals. And the way in which we as individuals decide to express (or not) this energy is influenced by our attitudes toward it.

Now in reality (who’s?) what we are remembering together is really the language with which we communicate our inner subjective experiences to each other. We are all speaking in our own unique code and it is when we feel we are truly heard/seen/felt by another that we feel truly connected. Once we are each aware of the code we use, then we are better able to overlap it with the language of another and feel understood.

In conjunction with the language we are learning to share individual experience is the opening to a deeper level of transparency with those whom we desire to connect with. Through the honest sharing of our inner, present moment truth, we practice detaching from our subjective experience. This empowers us to not take the actions of others personally and to take full responsibility for our state of being. Owning our life situation in this non-attached way takes the observation of one’s self into a whole new direction. This is where we find the courage to share our truth in the most spontaneous way possible, for this is how we are truly authentic and connected.

Once we find the language to communicate truth and the vulnerable courage to share, we start to remember that our experiences of life together are much more connected than we know. I am discovering more and more that others share not only thought patterns but emotional expressions as well. I can quite viscerally feel my heart connect with theirs. The impulse arrives to rub someone’s back in a particular spot and when I do they share with me the tension they felt at that moment in the very same spot. I speak the thoughts that emerge into spontaneous story and the recipient reflects back the deep relevance to something in their life. That connection is made and I too receive a bread crumb along the path. The more I open to this experience the more I meet others resonating with it as well.

And it is scary as fuck.

I have no choice but to trust. Trust myself. Trust others. We remember our sovereignty as we remember our Selves as conscious beings, capable of recognizing and breaking the patterns we endlessly cycle through. Each cycle a little more intense. Each cycle with the very purpose of ending itself and beginning anew. In community we learn to embrace the darkness being reflected through the patterns we refuse to admit our slavery to. Our addiction. Our medicine.

When we repress or express our sexual essence we are perpetuating a suffering that need not be. Unable to properly share our sexuality and being uncomfortable with our very body creates a particular tension in the environment. I find that woman attractive, does that change the way I show my love for her? I am learning that it does, for me, so long as I try to ignore that natural fact. And the deeper I enter into a love for the present moment, the deeper into love and attraction I experience for all people. Everybody is so friggen delicious! Woah, can I say that? Can I tell someone I am attracted to them? What would they think? What if I am rejected?

Oh ya! I totally can tell someone I find them attractive and honour their beauty. Why? Because sexual attraction is entirely natural and impersonal. Hmmmm… same as our thoughts and emotions? It seems like practice in one area of life transfers so easily into all other areas… So when I communicate this to an obviously attractive person, poof! Tension is relieved and we can express our love however we feel is needed. No, that doesn’t necessarily mean sexual intercourse. Maybe I just want to give a back rub or snuggle. Maybe I just needed to say a few words and we can be the most playful siblings with each other. Through this heart-space connection and open communication, we are able to explore and express our physical needs with other people. Opening ourselves to intimacy with others in a supportive community allows for the fulfillment of deeply human needs: attention, connection, trust, truth, and intimacy.

Can I touch your arm when we talk?

Speaking my needs takes a lot of courage. It often takes even more because I find myself not even sure of what my needs are. And then when I do share them, they are often in code, even for me. I might get mad “at someone” for not doing me a favour, when really I am angry at my inability to communicate and also upset at not being heard/felt/seen. I’m experiencing the hurt of betrayal and need someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright. I love to hold hands and want to while we walk. Can we spoon while we watch the movie? Can we create a community space to support and celebrate such questions? This is the medicine of community.

The unexpressed sexual energy means that there is inexpressible creative energy for they are one in the same. Unsure of how to show physical connection inhibits our ability to create in community. We notice an attraction to our magnetic opposite and learn to direct the creative flow as inspiration. By sensing into this attraction we learn of the infinite ways to express love and create with others. With this deeper knowing we know ourselves well enough to communicate boundaries when they do arise. Respecting boundaries enables the impersonalization of rejection within the safe container of community.

We crave intimacy and yet collectively share a deep seeded fear of it. With seven billion people and counting, this deep need goes unmet all too often despite our immersion in a potentially abundant ocean of connection. Unsure of ourselves and unable to feel safe expressing any love, we learn to close ourselves up to others, saving any intimacy we do express to our lovers. As we practice vulnerable, conflict free communication we practice exploring the infinite shades of meeting our needs and dissolving our fears of intimacy, whether physical or otherwise. This is the medicine of community.

— Skye

5 thoughts on “Free Flowing Intimacy In Community

  1. Nicely said!

    It is very much a struggle that most..if not all people, have to GROW through, in some fashion. Though we all have our own stories around intimacy, there is ALWAYS something that needs to come from the Shadows, digested…and then integrated. This is part of our individual and collective evolution. The beauty of recognizing and allowing yourself to experience the various forms of intimacy is a quintessential element in developing truly authentic relationships.

    What do I/we need to do so that I can feel completely secure in expressing all of who I am? How do I become Authentic? This is a constantly evolving question. As you peal back the layers of oneself, you become aware of new expressions of you….

    Being authentic is intuiting the expression of intimacy that is truly coming from the heart space. It knows.

    Listen and have the courage to honour your heart…then watch what happens to the world around…see it transform in front of your eyes. It’s pretty friggin awesome lol 🙂 <3

    I'm glad I stopped in and read this. I haven't read much of your work. I like it…you inspired me to respond and share me. It's something I am developing the courage to do more of. Thank you 🙂 <3 I look forward to sharing with you in the near future.

    Much love.

    1. Thank you for the reflection Jaguar Heart!
      You express a deep truth as well. Listening to the heart and trusting in the courage we all have. I am grateful you shared and enjoyed the blog 🙂 It is an expression of the collective I receive from the relationships I have around me all-ways <3
      Much love brother!

  2. wow wow wow…. We are creating a better world here. It is a messy process. The bottom line for me is: Even in Touch-Positive gatherings, relationships are of the paramount importance. Watching 2 (or more) people who have established relationships greet and interact can create the illusion that all that happened spontaneously but in fact the interaction was the result of previous relationship building. An interest in another person as a whole sovereign being is the best starting point for creating a relationship from scratch even (or especially) when a strong current of attraction is flowing.

    Regarding triggering someone: even with the most careful conscious communication, it is very likely that at some point I will trigger a touch-positive someone in a way I never expected or intended. We all need to allow for this and to create ways of reconciling the cause of the triggering, recognizing innocent actions as just that and getting better at discerning them from predatory actions. It is a hideous experience to be cast as a threatening predator when only a simple crime of enthusiasm was committed. Creating a common language for communicating about this is happening now and it a huge challenge as the article lays out. The incredibly wide array of people makes it impossible to have a one-size-fits-all approach to this. A person who has worked through their big issues and has an expansive approach to interpersonal interactions is a heck of a lot easier to establish a relationship with than a person with big untransformed issues and an impulse to feel threatened by minor perceived affronts.

    I have found that declaring an attraction to someone with no expectation that they respond to me a far better approach in creating relationship than stating the attraction in a way that they are expected to take some action in response to satisfy me. Again, our limited language in these areas hampers us. May we keep trying and be smarter tomorrow than we are today.

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