The Sun sits high in the crystal blue sky above as it washes our bodies with cellular warmth and fills our eyes with visionary light. We are here in this forest to dance ecstatically, allowing the flow of life to free itself within and become manifest without – through the bodily expressions of our natural movement. The large group of people gathered together is being guided through the collective celestial motion around a central core of fire by a spritely forest fairy, as the music throbs through the air between us and the limbs of the trees. Although we are bathed in the light of the midday Sun, our shadows are still present in the three-dimensional space between body and earth, with the darkest and most prominent shadow-boundary emerging from our feet and slicing across the ground in a misshapen projection of our material self.
Our airy guide begins to lead us through a practice of breath medicine. Feet soles are firmly planted in the dirt. Knees and legs pulse to the rhythm of the deep bass lines coursing through the earth. Two quick inhaling gusts of air match the timing of two knee-to-chest arm pulls and a primal release of vocal toning continues the renewed cycling of the ocean of air through the lungs and body. We continue taking the medicine until I break through my resistances to the moment.
Suddenly, something other than air is releases from within my body and is allowed to flow as freely as the passing cosmic wind. An ecstatic joy overtakes my world as I feel into an intensity of happiness long forgotten and rarely experienced. This moment is now perfect and full of love. The euphoric light of the sun emanating from within. Why have I not let myself feel this bliss before? I want to feel this joy more often; what was blocking me?
As swiftly and intensely as the blissful rapture came, it left me. The fleeting joy now replaced with an upwelling of crippling grief and pain; the other half of the circle; the omnipresent slice of shadow. I can feel the salty waters rushing to my eyes, begging for sweet release. I notice my usual desire to hide this from others and to seek solitude from the tribe. I choose to stay, knowing this witnessing is part of the collective experience.
I am invited to release this exposed wound to the depths of Lover Earth as she offers her unconditional emotional support. Dropping to my knees on the soft dirt, I allow the river of tears to flow with the gravitation of love as the bubbles of air, moving in and out of my breathing lungs, create rippling convulsions of liberation through my core. Observe, allow, accept, release, express, trust, and forgive.
This too, shall pass.
Part of the practice of a budding ecosexual is to dissolve the story that we as humans are separate from nature. Just as we cannot truly love another person if we objectify or see them as separate from us, we cannot truly love the Earth until we embody the awareness of our interdependence and connection to the whole. In other words, we are a part of this world – just as your heart and lungs are a part of you. We see this expansion of the identity of self in our personal relationships when we fall in love and the “I” becomes “We” as you start to consider someone else in your decisions and choices. Becoming ecosexual means including our shared Lover Earth in your choices.
The truth of our interdependent nature and connection to each other becomes a different story with which to guide our lives and inspire the creative force of unconditional love in service to the whole. This truth is, of course, most easily and powerfully accessible as a living truth, through our direct communion with a world that not only environs us, but flows continually through our entire being (made of permeable and shifting boundaries). Such a truth emerges during experiences of deep knowing or connection with something previously identified as ‘an other’.
It is the gift of presence – an appreciation of a sunset, an eye gaze with a wild animal, a shared moment of innocent laugher with a child, a grateful enjoyment of nature’s olfactory offerings, the sensual touch of a tree’s curved bark, a deeply embodied float in a lake, sexual union with a lover – every moment and each form of love making has the potential to evoke a forgotten and deeply buried knowing – accessible through a simple yes to the now-invitation. It’s when we drop our walls and feel into the core of our unity, allow our minds to quiet, and see our Self as part of an other (and vice versa) that we break down the false idol and story of separation.
Attempting to convey the meaning of our unity with nature through written words can only touch the surface, but at least it can provide a useful metaphor as a starting beat. It’s up to you to hear the rhythms of the air moving through the shivering orange tongues of fall leaves, or the harmonic resonance of wind splashing your nose with the colourful smells of nature before toning life-force deep into your lungs. The body of the earth, mirroring and in dialogue, with the body of you. Can you see the magic all around?
The Nature of Weather
Weather is unpredictable, wild, and in a constantly swirling dance through the body of the earth. The crashing and blending waves of elemental interactions between air, water, earth, and fire (sun) create the flowing turbulence of weather that affects the cycles of life for all of earth’s organ(ism)s. Certain weather gives nourishment, life, and growth while other conditions can create destruction, darkness, and breakdown of even the most enduring and secure foundational solids.
A mind-based society applies statistical analysis of the past to current weather trends in an attempt to foretell of the future weather. With some element of faith in the experts and computer models, we believe to have a logic based and rational understanding of this natural external force so we can stay one step ahead. That being said, most people are aware enough to take the forecast with a grain of salt, especially when the prediction is made more than a couple days out. Despite our awareness of its wild and unpredictable nature, some see weather as the next frontier for the human program of control and manipulation in our distorted-masculine quest to dominate the feminine flow of life in earth. There is a difference between making it rain (control) and inviting the rain (allow).
How are you going to feel in three days?
I find the parallels between earth weather and body emotion to be a useful ecosexual perspective for understanding and dealing with the unpredictable and uncontrollable flow of feelings/body sensations through my Self. The wild feminine, both in weather and emotion are a part of life and the human experience. Trying to predict the weather is like trying to predict how you will feel in three days. You might have an idea, but when the time comes it could be anything.
For many of us, myself included, we also try to control our emotions by denying their existence, pushing them deep and out of sight, avoiding our triggers, or distracting ourselves with temptations. Just as we need proper clothing to comfortably weather the approaching storm, we also need proper tools to safely face the bubbling emotions. If we don’t feel safe or supported to express, it is no wonder we do everything we can to not feel (or take substances to only feel one way).
Opening ourselves to the free flow of e(arth)motion through our body is terrifying. The intensity can often overtake our attempts at bodily control, just as the untameable feminine can explode outward in protest to the masculine shadow of manipulation and dominance. There is a pervasive cultural shadow on the suppression and caging of the feminine – whether through the agricultural grooming of wild landscapes, the limitations to freedom of exploration put on children, the taming of animals and unruly beasts, the patriarchal conquest over women, or the labeling of an emotionally expressive person as ‘crazy’, ‘unstable’, or ‘out of control’ – the threads of control run deep. We tell someone in an emotional state to get a hold of themselves and control their emotions. We start to think that our emotions are bad or good, that we should be feeling different than we are, or that something is wrong that needs to be fixed. Just because you put a lid on the pressure cooker and plugged the holes doesn’t mean the heat and pressure won’t stop building.
Whatever it is – FEEL IT!
With an ecosexual perspective we are invited to approach weather differently. We stop labeling the current weather or complaining about the upcoming forecast and simply accept it as it is. After all, it’s out of our control, right? (Part of accepting things as is includes complaining if you feel you need to. Just observe it and stop when it no longer serves you). We start to recognize the weather as a reflection of our self – just as a relationship with another person shows us parts of our self we cannot see, the weather is useful in teaching us to accept that which we cannot control and to love all our forms and expressions.
The uncontrollable and impersonal aspect of weather certainly makes this acceptance easier. Sure, we might be upset that our outdoor plans got kyboshed by the rain, but we don’t take it personally. We are given opportunity to own and feel our emotion, perhaps disappointment in this example, with less of a temptation to project blame externally (i.e. someone else’s fault we are upset). That being said, it can still be easy to think, “If only the weather were different, then I would be happy”.
When a person does something that triggers an emotion it is easy to default to blame – “I am feeling this way because someone did this to me and that is keeping me from happiness”. I know when I am immersed in an uncomfortable feeling like anger, grief, or jealousy I often reflect on whatever situation triggered the emotion. If I am in a state of blame, I will identify behaviours that the other person did or didn’t do that I feel caused it. In these instances, sometimes there is communication that needs to happen for resolution, sometimes creative expression (like writing for me), and sometimes just time and space to heal. In the end, it’s about whatever you personally need and are able to access in order to find peace.
When I feel deeper into the emotion and allow it to simply be within my body, I start to get a sense of the non-personal nature that forms the undercurrent of the sensations. It’s not necessarily about that person, the thing they did or didn’t do, or the situation I find myself in. Sometimes I have a sense that the feelings are more collective – residual ancestral wounds of humanity and the violence we continue to perpetuate toward the planet and each other. I can detach and see that I am not those emotions, just as I am not my thoughts. They are ripples in time and space that were set in motion long ago and the emotion merely connects me to the past when I felt something similar and did not deal with it completely. This present moment is simply another opportunity to heal and release a weight from the past as I free myself from projection and blame to own and take responsibility over how I FEEL.
Returning to Balance
The mind loves to try to understand, rationalize, label, and control everything it can. From what I have observed, emotions seem to slip around and defy any of these attempts of the mind. Even though I might understand why someone did what they did, try to rationalize my emotion by attaching it to a situation or circumstance, apply labels to identify and separate myself from the feeling, and attempt to control my state with forced positivity or distractions, the emotions seem to permeate my body regardless.
That is not to say these mental tricks are useless – they also serve a purpose – just as these words and labels on this screen, this attempt at communicating an understanding, serve a purpose. Their gift is to be a road map for moving through a terrain in constant flux. Their curse is to take the map as the complete truth of the matter around you, within you, and at your feet. When I am immersed in emotional intensity I do find it useful to repeat loving affirmations to myself, while still allowing the feelings to move as they need to. You will need to find what works for you.
The wild feminine flow cannot be contained, bottled up, or restricted. Like an emotional lover, the Earth grieves for the disconnected violence and rebels against manipulation with a hurricane face slap of awakening to greater alignment and harmony. She cries for the freedom of humanity and the love of nature to become one again. When we learn to trust the love of feminine flow, be present within the freedom of our masculine stillness, accept the weather, and allow our emotions to be felt and released in healthy ways, we lay the foundation for a reunion with our truest and most authentic self.
The wounds and pain you take time to heal within are healing the whole world.
This is the second part of the “Becoming Ecosexual” series, and the continuation of “The Soulmate Delusion” series, exploring the concepts of relationships, emotions, mono/polyamory, love, and freedom. The “Becoming Ecosexual” series will continue to develop the concept of ecosexuality through my personal relationships and experiences as they relate loving the Earth and to loving each other. Links are found below.
Thank you for reading through these stories, weaving word and experience together so that we may know our togetherness. I hope the words resonated with you in some way and help along your path. I am available for feedback, questions, and discussion. If you feel called to support my gifts, through comments, shares, likes, hugs, or dollars, know that your reciprocation ensures I am free to continue giving, and others are able to receive. Each blog I write averages at least eight hours of gifted devotion and any donations allow me to feel supported in this creative direction. Click here for details, or etransfer [email protected].com and know they are received with gratitude; every bit helps.